Good day to all!

I wanted to write this as a way of introducing myself to the community. I wanted to start by saying that I am a typical Gemini in that I have contradicting pieces to my character. I am a progressive, metaphysically minded, and live primarily as a father, reiki master, and occasional guide to those who walk the path inward. I am also a US Marine. I admit that it is difficult to avoid feeling like I am acting against my beliefs.

How can someone reconcile progressive beliefs with serving in the armed forces of this country in these times? I can only speak for myself. I chose to enlist based on a desire to serve and also to walk a warrior's path. I believe that those of us raised without both parents need a father or mother figure to guide them on their journey. I chose the military as a way of discovering my inner father and connect to the wellspring of manhood. I had to suck up qualms I may have had about the Iraq misadventure because I believe in my nation, in service, and in putting one's beliefs on the line. I think both sides of the debate could learn by experiencing the culture of the other side firsthand. Many in the anti-war community do not come from poverty and do not understand that the military is not only a means towards an education for the disenfranchised, but is also an enfranchisement that instills a code of ethics and personal responsibility that one can not find outside of a tribal gang. We as a nation are parenting teems of children without direction, purpose, role models, and we are all responsible for one another. The warrior's path is an accepted way, and until the progressive community establishes a pathwork for those left behind, so that they are not misled by tyranny into participating in an atrocity.

I am now a better husband, father, and provider through service. Much can be said of the military life without falling into the tropism of "supporting the troops," which is merely a scoundrel's refuge against critical thinking. How is it supportive to send the armed poor into the desert to inflict even more despair onto the world? I, for one, don't feel supported. I feel much more supported by friends, family, and the surrounding community who strive to understand and be kind to those of us who march and wear uncomfortable uniforms. I will do my part to try and bridge that understanding.

That which language fails to define and the mind fails to comprehend.

Rebellious, earnest, articulate

I am currently reading Isaac Asimov's Companion Guide to Shakespeare. I am also reading The Disposessed by Ursula K. LeGuin.

shredder makes white noise
camoflauge enters, exits
tomorrow happens

It's not so much a where as it is a "how." I think with my fingers, so I get ideas from writing, especially typing on a keyboard. After a certain spate of rambling, I will feel my eyes involuntarily close and I perceive static images, but the images are loaded with ideas if I choose to contemplate and write about them. A single static image can stem into several poems, stories, or solutions to problems I have been facing in my life. So, most of my bright ideas comes from this prayer/meditation interface. Ideas that don't come from this source tend to be of lower quality.

Yes, I do believe in destiny, that thread of fate and predictability that ties the universe together like an etheric shoelace. Humanity is still largely at the mercy of unconscious processes, and now we deal with the twin function of a patriarchal control system (civilization). Between those two massive pressures, there is very little room for free will.

I am not saying that free will doesn't exist, but that there is a lot less of it than most people believe. I might even go so far as to see that acts of free will are what we would instead call "grace."

When I have performed divination through Tarot , Astrology, or the I Ching for myself and others, I can see those forces of destiny operate through the individual. Almost all of us are compelled through life by impulses and cravings that have no foundation in conscious reasoning. Individuation is the slow and steady application of free will into life. I know this all doesn't sound terribly romantic, but once you can see how little control you have over your life you can begin the long road to freedom.

Disclaimer: Don't begin that road by signing your soul away to a cult or New Age Technique of the moment. "Be a lamp unto yourself."

I have at least two a day, one with my wife, and another with my child.

I wake up at 4:30 AM, have a cup or two of green tea, and go to the gym. When I get home, my child will still be asleep and I will make love to my wife. Once my daughter wakes up, I will cook breakfast: omelettes and english muffins. We will then pack up and spend some time at the beach. I will teach my daughter to make a sand castle with a plastic cup. I will then teach her to knock it down.

Afterwards, we'll take a trip to the library, and they'll finally have the collected works of Pierre Teilhard de Chardin and Henri Bergson for checkout.

The rest of the day would be spent at home with playtime, naptime, and dinner time leading us into a new moon evening with a clear view of the stars.

I am growing in the sod laid by my religious studies professor 12 years ago. The final assignment for the class was a Zen riddle:

"An elderly gentlemen, a successful farmer in his village, is celebrating his birthday in his usual busy manner. He is too busy for a party, and is so successful that he doesn't feel the need for pomp or gifts. The villagers gather together and lay a gift on his doorstep: a baby goose in a glass bottle. The villagers thought that the gentleman farmer would take the goose from the bottle once he found it and appreciate the beauty of the presentation. Instead, although grateful for the gift, he was much too busy to care for the goose and left it ine bottle until one day he discovered that the goose had gotten so large that its beak filled the bottle neck and poked out from the tip. The riddle is: without harming the goose or the bottle, how do you remove the goose from the bottle?"

I fought hard with the riddle and in the fight i discovered that I was stricken with the illness known as the Philosopher's Disease. I thought of oil, a diamond cutter, and many other possibilities for extricating the poor gose. Each time, my professor shook his head and told me that if we were in Japan, he would beat me soundly with a stick.

I ended up solving the riddle. I won't publish the solution. I discovered that I was the riddle, and the more I thought upon it the more I became the gentlemen, the villagers, the goose, and the bottle. I had an ego investment not only in the solution, but in the question.

The lesson that my professor taught me follows me like a fool's knapsack. So when I think about my growth, I have to remind myself that no matter how I flower, I remain a seed in a field surrounded by other seeds in various stages of sprout, bloom, and wither.

Take care.